Short, Short Stories

Today, I came across what's being called the best, shortest, horror story:

The last man on Earth sat alone in
a room. There was a knock at the door.

                                            - Frederic Brown

I really like that story. Currently, I'm struggling to get through a rather verbose Brothers Karamazov, long and twisted, and so, to cope, I  went in search of a few more very short, short stories in order to keep the Brothers at bay a while. 

I had a similar such evening about a year ago. Probably the first time I tried reading The Brothers Karamazov. I solicited three-word stories from my facebook pals. Reading through them again, here's a few of my favorites:

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Nunnery application? Exorcised.

Sinking? Later, captain.

I successfully shapeshifted.

Unexplored planet. Tentacles!

Invention traps woman.

Interstellar travel. Extinction.

Marathon. Bloody socks.

Unsolicited sadomasochism: rude.

Gorgeous! Want penis?

Groggy. Missing kidneys.

In my head, I sorta think the last two go together pretty well.

Another short, short story which tends to pop up from time to time comes from Ernest Hemingway. I've seen it before heralded as the shortest sad story:

"Classifieds: Baby goods. For sale, baby shoes, never worn."

Snopes.com, the internet's greatest resource for calling bullshit on just about any and every urban legend, cannot verify that Hemingway wrote the story over dinner as a bet the way the myth claims. Snopes does, however, snidely remark that the story does sound familiar to another story about a short, short story, that of the teacher's assignment to his class. When given the criteria that the essay had to be concise and contain elements of   1: Religion   2: Royalty   3: Sex   and 4: Mystery ... the winning student essay read:

"My God," said the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it!"

Snopes remarks that this story is probably bunk as well.

But by far, the best short, short stories I've come across while idly fleeing Russian loquaciousness comes from an issue of Wired magazine.  They asked many popular writers from diverse genres to write their own Hemingway-esque short, short stories, and got a lot of replies back. I think it's great how the personality and style of the authors really shines through in some of them even though they were limited to six words. Here's a few of my favorites:

Computer, did we bring batteries? Computer?
- Eileen Gunn

Gown removed carelessly. Head, less so.
- Joss Whedon

Automobile warranty expires. So does engine.
- Stan Lee

Machine. Unexpectedly, I’d invented a time
- Alan Moore

Longed for him. Got him. Shit.
- Margaret Atwood

From torched skyscrapers, men grew wings.
- Gregory Maguire

Internet “wakes up?” Ridicu -
no carrier.
- Charles Stross

Wasted day. Wasted life. Dessert, please.
- Steven Meretzky

It cost too much, staying human.
- Bruce Sterling

Lie detector eyeglasses perfected: Civilization collapses.
- Richard Powers

I’m dead. I’ve missed you. Kiss … ?
- Neil Gaiman

The baby’s blood type? Human, mostly.
- Orson Scott Card

Kirby had never eaten toes before.
- Kevin Smith

We went solar; sun went nova.
- Ken MacLeod

Easy. Just touch the match to
- Ursula K. Le Guin

Epitaph: He shouldn't have fed it.
- Brian Herbert

Batman Sues Batsignal: Demands Trademark Royalties.
- Cory Doctorow

Heaven falls. Details at eleven.
- Robert Jordan

whorl. Help! I'm caught in a time
- Darren Aronofsky and Ari Handel

God to Earth: “Cry more, noobs!”
- Marc Laidlaw

Help! Trapped in a text adventure!
- Marc Laidlaw

Dinosaurs return. Want their oil back.
- David Brin

Bang postponed. Not Big enough. Reboot.
- David Brin

Temporal recursion. I'm dad and mom?
- David Brin

Commas, see, add, like, nada, okay?
- Gregory Maguire

Dorothy: "Fuck it, I'll stay here."
- Steven Meretzky

Will this do (lazy writer asked)?
- Ken MacLeod

Those were my favorites of the bunch. The rest may be found at Wired:  http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/14.11/sixwords.html

I hope you've enjoyed these short, short stories. Back to Dostoyevsky I go.