Also, I took the photo on the one day of the year where I wasn't wearing my tuxedo and sipping martinis. Isn't that always the way?
(In truth, it being November the first and only three kids having come to our door last night, I'm shocked I'm not currently wallowing in some sort of debilitating sugar coma. By all medical logic, syrupy brown glucose should be oozing from my pores.)
For those of you who might not know, Movember is where men -- obviously -- grow mustaches for the month of November, usually competitively, either singly or with a team, to raise awareness of, and money for, prostate cancer research.
Once again, I've thrown my philtrum into the fray. The last time I did so, I grew such a disgusting flavour saver that people stared at me in the grocery store, my friend's dogs whimpered whenever I entered the room, and my own mother blocked me on Facebook.
Oh, what glee I take from using correct words that the spellchecker flags.
Ladies, if your men are doing the same this month, please be patient. It's for a good cause.
Plus, as an extra, he will gain all the old-timey superpowers of mustache: the ability to talk to, and reason with, bears and other wild creatures; mastery over words like 'indubitably,' and phrases like, 'I say, what a disgraceful moppet she has become;' and, best of all, the ability to set petticoats ablaze with his smouldering gaze.
Myself, I'm lucky to have such a wonderful and understanding lady who supports the must-stache.
On the flip side, in the past, because there's so many fuzzy lips around for a good cause in November, I've encountered quite a few cheeky fellows who have grown hair snakes themselves simply because it suddenly became socially acceptable. These gentlemen -- though I use the word laughingly -- being gutless and vain, won't stray outside the shorn facial norm at any other time of the year, needing a group within which to hide and blend.
Now, normally, dear readership, I wouldn't call for the social shaming of any creed or group, but I do advocate admonishing glances for anybody you suspect might be a hairy-lipped Movember cuckoo. I implore you to dust off your pitchforks and torches and put their business ends to good use. Drive the pretenders from your beds, shun them from your pubs. To the barbershop with them!
To be fair, I've given thought to the counter-argument that simply having a face sweater in November raises awareness of prostate cancer research. And that, to a point, may be true. However, when people approach me on the street and ask, "Why are you doing that to your face?" I tell them that I'm my own personal Chia-Pet for Movember and prostate cancer research. Also, "I'm taking donations through the Movember website. Would you like to donate?"
Approach one of these other fellows and they'll reply, "Because it's No Shave November, dude."
If not the rusted point of your pitchfork, make them give you ten dollars towards cancer research. It's only fair. And a good trade-off, I would think.
Last year, around the world, over 854,000 people participated in Movember, raising $125.7 million CAD.
For more information, please visit http://ca.movember.com/?home
If you would like updates on the progress of my dirty, filthy, nose bush, or would like to donate, please visit my profile at: http://mobro.co/4232721
Any contribution would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I know a bear who has a very interesting story to tell.